Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
