I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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