marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
