I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
