How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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