I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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