I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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