Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
