I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
