i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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