I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
