is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
