i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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