HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ladies don't puke and tell
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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