There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
