I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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