My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
