Your face is a jimmy john
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
