why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
