Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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