He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
