I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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