Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
