She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
