Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
