Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
