i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
