How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
