he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
