He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
