Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
