What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
