and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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