i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
