I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
