I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
