Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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