so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
