just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
