I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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