Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
