Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
