I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I will be naked everywhere
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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