ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
