im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She bit a glass in half.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
