all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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