Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
