shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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