Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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