More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
