He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
