ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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